Attack of the Crazy Exes
It always happens when you think you’ve met someone truly spectacular. You click in every way- the same interests, the same favourites, the same outlooks on life. But just as you think that it’s too good to be true, you discover that one skeleton in his closet- the crazy ex. And for some, this crazy significant other of relationships past does not allow a breakup to separate them from their love. This is a tale of a very dear friend who became victim to the crazy ex.
It had been a few weeks since Constance and her newest love bug met. Sparks were flying, romance was budding, and hormones were racing. It was during a late night conversation that the topic of ‘exes’ came up. This is when he gave her the warning- he had a crazy ex.
“She just won’t believe me when I say it’s over, even though I do not talk to her anymore, and I’m now dating you. She calls me non-stop, she tries to come over, she creeps my wall. I just wanted to warn you about her in case you ever run into her.”
Constance, though relieved that she was given this warning, felt a huge amount of paranoia that their date was secretly being videotaped and that she would be clubbed the next time she stepped out of her apartment. “Is she really that bad?”
Weeks went by and there was still no sight of a crazy stalker. She never saw someone spy on her through her window or follow her on the streets. They even went to a few bars and didn’t get interrupted by a screaming tiger cat claiming her territory. Constance soon forgot that this ‘crazy ex’ even existed and thought that maybe Beau was a bit egotistical to think that women couldn’t bare to get over him.
But then it happened. Right in the middle of hot passionate sex, Beau’s bedroom door swung open and the eagle went in for her prey. In a frenzy of gathering covers and hiding their naked bodies, Constance stared wide eyed and fearful at the frightening being that stood in the doorway. The woman stared at Constance, nose flaring, breathing heavily. Constance slowly slunk her way lower and lower into the covers, allowing only her eyes to peak out. And soon the calm before the storm was over. Punches were thrown into the door way, a nearby picture frame thrown, and a loud demand for Beau to “go fuck himself” was stated repeatedly. Constance closed her eyes hoping that if she stayed really still, the predator may not be able to see her. She felt Beau jump out of bed and heard him tell her to get out. She didn’t open her eyes until she heard the door shut.
It took a few days for Constance to fully recover from being the near victim of a brutal psychotic-ex massacre. She decided it may be best to take a break from Beau until he ‘sorted out’ some baggage, and to go anywhere with an entourage of friends/bodyguards. And she got her revenge shortly after when she saw the crazy at the bar that she worked at by short-pouring every drink and watering down the ‘rye’ and cokes. At the end of it all, she learnt that as much as you may like somebody, it’s hard to build a future with that someone when the past just won’t stay away.
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1 Comment to Attack of the Crazy Exes
This sounds like a hilarious story… 
haha! Amazing job Jus..
January 29, 2009