The Great Reversal
Thanks to Facebook, it has become far too easy to find out about all the girls from high school that I have lost touch with and see what their life has come to. I admit, this is a strange, guilty pleasure and a great way to get creeped out by seeing wedding and baby pictures under the profiles of people we went to grade school with. It was when I was doing this sure-fix ego-booster, I had a strange epiphany- one I like to call ‘The Great Reversal’.
I began to notice a trend with who had ultrasound pictures as their profile pics and whose status indicated the newest funny thing their child did. These are the girls that we would have classified as ‘the mature girls’ in high school (and I mean this with the least intention of insult… it was just an easy way to identify that particular clique at that time). You see, these girls were what you’d say ‘more experienced’: they wore sexy clothes to school, they had fake IDs at 16, they bleached their hair, they played the song “How Many Licks” by Lil Kim on repeat at every get-together. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t dislike these girls. I even hung out with them sometimes. But as the cliques grew stronger, we went our separate ways. The point is, I never would have pictured these girls to have wholesome family photos posted all over the internet just five years later.
But as I look at these profiles and try to use them to make me feel good about myself, I can’t help but question my own position. I am just beginning my independent life, looking to start a career, moving to new cities, being able to focus on myself and not a newborn. And I can still have fun and go out whenever I please. But this last point is where I had my epiphany. While I was looking at a photo of the no-longer belly-top wearing, bleached hair mommy with her two-year old, I glanced at my own profile picture in a short, tight dress and plastic cup of booze in my hand. Have we switched places from the time that we were in high school? Would our old classmates be shocked to see that the party girls have get-togethers for their kids while the smart, goody-goodies spend their free time at bars? While they are finding joy in the funny things their two-year olds do, nothing gets me more excited than a delicious stiff martini and a new pair of stilettos. I’m starting to feel like our maturity levels have altered. I’m now acting like they did at 16 and they’re acting like how I pictured myself to be around this time. Should I be feeling sad about the position that I’m in, or ecstatic that I’m not in the same boat as they are?
My conclusion: the Great Reversal, though strange as it is, does make perfect sense. You see, these girls who are now having kids were in such a rush to grow up when they were kids themselves. They got the partying, the drinking, and the dating out of their system way before I even really thought of it. And so, it only makes sense that while they have grown out of this stage, I’m just now in it. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for either of us. In fact, I can’t imagine taking care of anyone besides myself and having to balance my job with a family of my own. I have to give them credit for this.
But this also doesn’t mean I’m immature. In fact, because I’m older I feel like I’ve dealt with the partying stage more maturely, which is why I haven’t had any surprise pregnancies or tattoos after a night of drinking. And I can also easily balance work with social life, knowing when to have fun and how much fun to have without being stupid or jeopardizing my safety.
I’m not dissing the girls who are my age and on baby number two. I’m happy for them and they seem very happy. It has made me realize something very important: that being in your twenties is the time when women are the most vastly different from each other. And it’s the time that people change the most, often in the opposite direction from others expectations. It’s when some begin a family, some begin a career, some begin partying. And there isn’t anything wrong with someone wanting children right away or not even being able to fathom the idea of having a child in the next decade. It has nothing to do with being mature or immature, but doing what you want most in your life at that time. Whether that means marriage or kids, getting a career or taking time to travel, sharing your life with others, or wanting to be completely independent, it’s all a mature decision.
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1 Comment to The Great Reversal
Interesting, but usual =)
January 16, 2009