Moving In With Your Boyfriend
The decision to move in with your significant other may be one of the biggest steps a couple could make. For most, it’s what really makes or breaks the relationship. Having never made this big move myself, and after hearing a plethora of both horror and glory stories, I’d like to ask just how do you know when to make this massive transition?
My boyfriend has a slightly traditional view on this subject. We’ve both agreed that neither of us is in a rush to become roommates, no matter how much it would save in rent and travel expenses. And while sometimes I do try to push him into at least thinking of the prospect of moving in together one day, he does make a good point to bring me back to my senses: there’s no harm in waiting, but there’s a lot of risk if we don’t. His theory sounds a bit philosophic, like the idea of Pascal’s wager when it comes to religion. But it makes sense. I guess we are both afraid that if we rush to move in together, we’ll want to rush to get out of it shortly thereafter.
I think part of this fear stems from horrifying memories of roommates past. Think of how excited you were to move in with that friend you hit it off with in first year University, or a childhood friend. It seemed like the best idea at the time but then you move in. And you start noticing those little annoying habits that the other person has. And you start bickering over little things like who used the last of the toilet paper or who left the dirty dishes in the sink for three days. And think of all the gossiping you did about this other person when they weren’t around, only to fuel the fire and add to the growing resentment towards your once best friend. Sure, this roommate fiasco doesn’t happen with everyone (don’t worry current roomie; I don’t mean you!), but it does happen. So, what if that happens with your boyfriend?
And of course there are the haunting stories of boyfriends and girlfriends who break up after the move (as my boyfriend likes to remind me, there’s a higher divorce rate for couples who live together first). I’ve heard stories of bad breakups and the troubles of having to find a new place and the sorrow of their moving day. Breaking up is hard enough but when it requires a moving van and paying two rents, it’s even worse. And how about deciding who gets the furniture you split on, or better yet, your new puppy?
However, you have to look at this on a positive note. I mean, surely it’s good to find out that you aren’t as compatible as you may have thought, before you actually tie the knot. In a way, I think it’s a great idea to test the waters first before you make the big plunge. If you move in together before marriage, you get a preview of what your wedded future holds, and make a wise decision if this is what you want or not. Can you tolerate finding toenail remnants on your carpet or wads of Kleenex lying around the house? Will your boyfriend be able to stand the hallway full of shoes and flowery decorations? Will you be able to compromise and get rid of the pink fuzzy pillows if he promises to throw out his beer posters? These are important things to discover before you say ‘I do’.
So, although I am still unclear of when the appropriate move in time is, I have been given some good advice. A wise friend of mine recently told me that “things get better than ever after the adjustment period”. Meaning that like any roommate, you have to learn to live with that person. And once you do its smooth sailing.
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