Motherhood
I think this fear grew even more after I went to visit my sister last week. After spending two full days with her and her family, I noticed that even doing the simplest of tasks takes far more effort than I ever imagined. For example, she picked me up at the train station when I arrived. She had her two kids strapped in the back and we had to be sure to be back in town in time to pick up her oldest from school. This may have been the first that I noticed that once you have kids, everything is on a schedule. There is no such thing as doing what you want on leisurely afternoon.
Later that day, we decided to take some girl time and get our nails done. This is something that I put no thought into but after seeing her on the phone, realized that she can’t just get up and go. After three phone calls she was finally able to find someone to watch her kids for the two hours we would be gone. But even her babysitter had plans at a certain time, making my sister constantly watch the clock and worry about the time while we were out.
Once we got home, we baked cookies with the kids. We ate dinner and watched a movie. Then my sister and her husband gave the kids a bath to wash off all the chocolate that somehow got on their cheeks and in their hair. While they were having bath time, the baby started crying. I thought I would save them from having to try washing one kids hair while holding a baby in the other arm, so I went and got the baby and tried to calm him down. It didn’t work. In fact, his cute little cry very quickly turned into a high-pitched scream. My brother in law had to come get the baby from me, giving me a bit of a complex and even more worried that I will never be fit for motherhood.
Finally at 10:00 the kids were asleep. I put on a show for me and my sister to relax to. But she looked at me and said, “I have to still bring the puppies for a walk. Do you want to come with me?” So we got up, strapped on the leashes, and went for a nice half-hour long walk with the dogs. We got back home and I went back to the couch. Time to finally relax… so I thought. My sister thought otherwise as she pulled out her broom and mop and started cleaning the kitchen floors. It was 11 o’clock at night.
“Are you nuts?” I asked. “Why don’t you just do that tomorrow?”
“Because if I do it tomorrow, it will just be dirty ten minutes later. At least this way I know it can stay clean for at least a few hours.”
This concept was all new for me. If I am too tired to do the dishes at night, I’ll do them the next day. But that’s because I really only have my own schedule to worry about. Not four other peoples. She reminded me that she also would have to get her son ready in the morning for school, and that he recently has joined soccer, and that him and her daughter go to a weekly event at the library. So between all these daily activities and her own personal chores to get done (ie. Groceries, cleaning, dog-walking, cooking) she really doesn’t have much time for herself. But she also said that even though it can be exhausting, it gives her no greater feeling in the world than to see her kids happy and to hear them say how much they love her. Like they say, with all great benefits there are certain costs and I guess motherhood is no exception.
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