Speedos
Hello Mr.Lifeguard
It never fails that the last guy you want to see in a Speedo is always the one sporting it. The teeny-tiny, bum-hugging spandex is usually plastered on to a fifty-plus, hairy, overweight man. But upon discussing the topic of Speedos with some girlfriends of mine I’ve come to question if even the man was a bronzed Greek God, could a Speedo ever be sexy?
I, for one, thought that I would enjoy the speedo if it was on the right type of guy. After all, I have seen many-a-pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo in his little European bathing suits and it’s gotten me worked up every time. But after seeing two different but both very attractive, young, fit men in tiny bathing suits, I have come to believe that it completely depends on how the man carries himself to determine whether it’s trashy or sexy. Take exhibit A: a man who made us stare but for all the wrong reasons:
First of all, it wasn’t the European bathing suit like Cristiano wore; it was a tiny metallic blue piece of material that barely covered much of anything. I think the metallic was a poor choice, very American Gladiator meets porno. Not only that, but the speedo is already a bold choice of bathing suit. With your bulge and body exposed like that, trust me, you won’t need to make it stand out anymore with flashy colours and shiny material. The fact that it was a thong didn’t help much either. While I do think that a speedo has the potential to be sexy, there is no way that I could ever look at a man in a thong speedo and be turned on. In fact, it was more humorous than anything to see his bare cheeks as he walked by and it was virtually impossible for me and my girlfriends not to giggle like little fourteen year olds.
Second, he wore the speedo with far too much confidence. Don’t get me wrong, it must take a lot of confidence to wear one, but this man was just way too into himself and wanting people to take notice of his package. The guy was so oiled up that the reflection of the sun from his skin actually hurt your eyes. He posed in the water, going in only to his knees and splashing himself with water. He posed on his towel. My two favorite stances was one on his knees, back arched, pouring water in his mouth and the other was a classic starfish so his nearly bare ass and the back of his bulge were staring at us.
Now let’s look at exhibit B: a man that made our mouths gape open and kept our eyes fixed He sported the look perfectly and here is why:
For starters, it was small but not too small. Not quite a speedo, but more like little tiny shorts that just covered his bum. It wasn’t too tight but definitely still accentuated his package. While the speedo from exhibit A left nothing to the imagination, there was just enough coverage with exhibit B to make us wonder what was all going on down there. He didn’t try to overdue it with a bold colour. It was a simple navy blue, somewhat sailor-esque but somehow less gay. Mind you, the guy was a lifeguard so I don’t think he had much choice in his bathing suit selection, but maybe the fact that he was a lifeguard actually added to the hotness. I just imagined him rescuing me in his tiny little swimming trunks, stuck even tighter to him from the water… I better stop there.
All in all men, if you want to wear the speedo, I fully support it! It’s about time men should start exposing what they’ve got at the beach like us women do. But if you do decide to take the plunge, please do it tastefully. That will make all the difference in the world for why the women are staring.
